yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
