Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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