Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My ass is underappreciated
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
