My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
