see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
