If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
