Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
