I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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