OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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