you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
