Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize