you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
