You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
