Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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