he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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