So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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