just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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