So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
