I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
