were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize