Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
