saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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