i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
