there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
why do cheetos always look like penises
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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