we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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