We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
