I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
