It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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