FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
