Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
