Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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