this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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