9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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