singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
