is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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