Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
