that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
