If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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