i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize