Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
