I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
