I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
