I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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