i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize