Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
