jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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