Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
