I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
