Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize