Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
