I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
