The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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