I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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