I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
zippers are such a cool invention
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
