she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
