Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
