FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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