You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
