I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
