Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
