don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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