i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
