My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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