Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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