i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
