Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
