She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
