I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
