you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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