I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
