another moral hangover. fuck.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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