i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
