Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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