I wish my penis had an off switch
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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