I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I love you. Go after that dick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
