i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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