she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
