When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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